Rules to be a Man!!!,英语篇笑话大全

"1.Dontcall,ever.", "2.Ifyoudontlikeagirl,donttellher.Itsmorefuntoletherfigureitoutbyherself.", 3.Lie., 4.lie., 5.Ifyoulosesomethingthatbelongstosomeoneelse,tellthemyoumailedittothem., 6.Here\sagoodpickupline,"Mygirlfriend\spregnant,willyougooutwithme?", 7.DrinkVernors., 8.WomenwanttohearallaboutYOUconstantly!, "9.Beasambiguousaspossible.Ifyoudontwanttoanswer,anicegruntwilldo.", "10.Alwaysremember:Youareaman.Therefore,nomatterwhat,itisntyourfault.", 11.Lie., 12.Girlsfinditattractiveifamanhasfriendsthanbaths., "13.Neveraskforhelp.Evenifyoureally,reallyneedhelp-dontask.", 14.Womenlikeitwhenyouignorethem., 15.Vanityisthemostimportanttraitforamantohave.Wheneveryoupassareflectivesurface,checkyourhair,clothing,etc., 16.Ifyoudon\tlikeagirl,butcan\tthinkofagoodenoughreasonwhy,justcomeupwithtrite,meaninglessexplanationslike,"Idon\tknow.Ijustdon\tlikeherpersonality.", 17.If,GODFORBID,youhavetotalktoagirlonthephone,useonlymonosyllabicwordsandnoises.Bodilynoisesarepermissible., 18.TWOWORDS:Hackandspit., 19.Everyonefindsamanmoreattractiveifhecanwritehisnameinurine., "20.Onesurewaytomakeagirllikeyouistogoafterherbestfriend.Shewillthenseewhatshesmissingandloveyoufornotgivinguponher.", 21.Tellheryouwillcall.Then,referbacktorule#1., 22.Saythingslike,"Wha...?", "23.Dontwearmatchingclothes.Peoplewillthinkyourgirlfriendpickeditout,anditwillcrampyourstyleonpickingupchicks.", 24.Lie., 25.Denyeverything.Everything., 26.Goodbreakupline,"It\snotyou,it\sme.", "27.Ifyoulikeagirl,tellallyourfemalefriendsabouther.Becauseifanyofyourfemalefriendslikeyou,theyllreallywanttoknow.", "28.Donthaveaclue.", "29.Ifyougetaclue,pretendyoudidntanddisregardit.", 30.Nomeansyes., 31.Yesmeansno., 32.Lie., 33.Makeupsomethingtolieabouttostayinpractice.Improvise., 34.DidImentionthatyoushouldbeabletolie., 35.Feelings?Whatfeelings?, 36.Neverlisten., "37.Lifeisonebigcompetition.Ifsomeoneisbetterthanyouatanything,eitherpretenditsnottrueorkicksomeass.", 38.Gaysareanunacceptablepartofoursociety.Takeituponyourselftopersonallyirradiateallofthemfromtheplanet., 39.DONOTmakedecisionsaboutrelationships.Ifyouarebackedintoacornerandmustmakeadecision,stall.Ifyoustillmustcomeupwithananswer,leaveyourselfaloopholeforescape., 40.Everysentencethatanyonesayscanbecontortedtohavesexualmeaning.Doso., 41.Thisisagoodplacetomentionyoushouldbeabletolie., 42.Lie., 43."Love"isnotinyourvocabulary.don\teventhinkaboutsayingit., "44.Ageneralrule:Ifwhateveryouredoingdoesnotsatisfyyoucompletelyin5minutes,itsreallynotworthit.", 45.Ditchyourgirlfriend.Begandpleaduntilyougetherback.Ditchheragain.Repeatcycle., 46.Lie., 47.ALWAYSapologize.NEVERmeanit., "48.Ifyouhurtsomeone,pretendyoucare.Dont.", "49.Trytohaveagoodmemory,butitsOKifyouforgettrivialthings.Youknow,likeyourgirlfriendsb-dayandeyecolor.", "50.Ignorancesolvesproblems.Ifyoucantseethem,theycantseeyou.", 51.Itisneveryourdutytotakeresponsibilityforyouractions., 52.BlameeverythingonPMS., 53.Complainaboutnotgettinganymail.WhenpeopleFINALLYfeelsorryforyouandsendyoumail,ignoreitandcontinuecomplaining., 54.Lie., "55.Playwithyourfoodonlyifyouareinapublicplacewithpeopleyoudontknow.", "56.Automaticallyassumethatshedoesntknowathingaboutcarsorelectricalequipment.Whenshefinallygivesinandletsyoufixsomething,tryyourbesttocompletelyruinit.", "57.Ifpeopleexpressextremedisgustatwhateveryouaredoing,DONTSTOP!Thisisthedesiredreaction.", "58.WhenshefinallyconvincesyoutotakehertoProm,refusetodance.Besides,yourejusttheretostandaroundandlookcool,right?", 59.Youaremale,thereforeyouwantquality., 60.InviteyourgirlfriendtoaPanteraconcert.Whenshegetsinjuredinthemoshpit,getyourfriendtotakehertotheemergencyroom., 61.Lie., "62.Ifyoucheatonagirl,butnoonefindsout,thentechnicallyyouvedonenothingwrong.", 63.Cryingisnotmanly.Thenagain,ifyouareaman,whatdoyouhavetocryabout,anyway?, 64.Ifthequestionbeginswith"why,"theansweris"Idon\tknow.", 65.Womenareyournapkins.Usethem,andthrowthemaway., "66.Whenshegetsacold,tocheerherup,tellherexactlyhowredhernoseisandhowblearyhereyesare.Expecthertobegratefulthatyourestayingwithher.", 67.Lie., "68.Otherpeoplespainisstrictlyforyouramusement.Laughlongandloud.", 69.Lie., 70.GeneralRule:DifferentisBAD., "71.Ifanyoneasksyouforafavor...makeabigdealabouthowharditisforyoutodoit,remindthemofthishugefavoryouvedoneforthematleastevery5minutesfortherestoftheirlife.", 72.Planformonthsaheadtofinallygotothatwrestlingmatchwithallyourfriends,onyouranniversaryofcourse,butneglecttotellyoursignificantotheruntilthedaybefore.Whenshestartscrying,offertotakeheralong.Whenshekicksyououtofthehouse,moveinwithyourfriendsandwatchwrestling., 73.Lie.(truestory.), "74.Ifagirlbreaksupwithyoubecauseyoureinlovewithsomeoneelse,shehasnorighttobeupset.Because,youknow,SHEstheonewhowantedtoendtherelationship.", 75.Lie., 76.Practicegrunting5timesaday.Whilesomemayfinditacceptabletogruntonlybeforethemorningcoffee,thetruemalewillonlyanswerinmonosyllabicform,exceptforemergencies,i.e..whensomeportionofyourbodyisonfire., 77.Neveraskfordirections.Ever.Evenifyoufindyourselfcrossingthestatelinewhenallyouwantedwastogobuysomeammo., 78.Neverevershowemotion.Noexceptions.IncludingtheemergencylistedinRule1., 79.Refusetotalkabouttherelationship.Getuptightwhenevershementions"love"or"commitment.", "80.Leaveyourboxersonthediningroomtable.Severalpairs.Pretendtheyarentthereforaslongasyoucan.", "81.Nevertalktoafemale,nomatterhowlongyouveknownher,whenyourewithyourfriends.", "82.WatchWWFWrestlingandbelieveitsreal.Attempttogetticketstothematches.", "83.Tellyourgirlfriendshedoesntkissaswellasyourex.", "84.Realizethatyourphonebilliswaytoohigh,andyoucouldntpossiblycallanyofyourfemalefriends,evenifitslocal.", "85.Beearlyforeverythingordontshowupatall."

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