Rules Men Wish Women Knew,英语篇笑话大全

1.Ifyouthinkyouarefat,youprobablyare.Donotaskus.Werefusetoanswer., "2.Learntoworkthetoiletseat.Ifitsup,Putitdown.", 3.Donotcutyourhair.Ever.Longhairisalwaysmoreattractivethanshorthair.Oneofthebigreasonsguysfeargettingmarriedisthatmarriedwomenalwayscuttheirhair,andbythen,youarestuckwithher., 4.Birthdays,Valentines,andAnniversariesarenotqueststoseeifwecanfindtheperfectpresentyetagain!, "5.Ifyouaskaquestionyoudontwantananswerto,expectanansweryoudonotwanttohear.", 6.Sometimes,wearenotthinkingaboutyou.Livewithit., 7.Donotaskuswhatwearethinkingaboutunlessyouarepreparedtodiscusssuchtopicsasnavellint,theshotgunformationandmonstertrucks., "8.Sunday=sports.Itslikethefullmoonorthechangingofthetides.Letitbe.", 9.Shoppingisnotasport,andno,wearenevergoingtothinkofitthatway., 10.Whenwehavetogosomewhere,absolutelyanythingyouwearisfine.Really., 11.Youhaveenoughclothes., 12.Youhavetoomanyshoes., 13.Cryingisblackmail., 14.Yourex-boyfriendisanidiot., 15.Askforwhatyouwant.Letusbeclearonthisone:Subtlehintsdonotwork.Stronghintsdonotwork.Obvioushintsdonotwork.Justsayit!, 16.No,wedonotknowwhatdayitis.Weneverwill.Markanniversariesonacalendar., 17.Yes,peeingstandingupismoredifficult.Weareboundtomisssometimes., "18.Mostguysownthreepairsofshoes.Whatmakesyouthinkwedbeanygoodatchoosingwhichpair,outofthirty,wouldlookgoodwithyourdress?", 19.YesandNoareperfectlyacceptableanswerstoalmosteveryquestion., 20.Cometouswithaproblemonlyifyouwanthelpsolvingit.Thatiswhatwedo.Sympathyiswhatyourgirlfriendsarefor., 21.Aheadachethatlastsfor17monthsisaproblem.Seeadoctor., 22.Foreignfilmsarebestlefttoforeigners., 23.Checkyouroil., 24.Donotfakeit.Wewouldratherbeineffectivethandeceived., 25.Itisneitherinyourbestinterestnorourstotakethequiztogether., 26.No,itdoesnotmatterwhichquiz., 27.Anythingwesaid6monthsagoisinadmissibleinanargument.Allcommentsbecomenullandvoidafter7days., "28.IfyouwontdressliketheVictoriasSecretgirls,dontexpectustoactlikesoapoperaguys.", 29.Ifsomethingwesaidcanbeinterpretedtwoways,andoneofthewaysmakesyousadorangry,wemeanttheotherone., 30.Letusogle.Wearegoingtolookanyway;itisgenetic., "31.Dontrubthelampifyoudontwantthegenietocomeout.", 32.YoucaneitheraskustodosomethingORtellushowyouwantitdone-notboth., 33.Wheneverpossible,pleasesaywhateveryouhavetosayduringcommercials., 34.ChristopherColumbusdidnotneeddirections,andneitherdowe., 35.WomenwearingWonderbrasandlow-cutblouseslosetheirrighttocomplainabouthavingtheirboobsstaredat., 36.MorewomenshouldwearWonderbrasandlow-cutblouses.Welikestaringatboobs., 37.Therelationshipisnevergoingtobelikeitwasthefirsttwomonthsweweregoingout., 38.ALLmenseeinonly16colors,likewindowsdefaultsettings.Peachisafruit,notacolor., 39.Pumpkinisalsoafruit., 40.Ifititches,itwillbescratched., 41.Beerisasexcitingforusashandbagsareforyou., 42.IfitisOURhouse,IdonotunderstandwhyMYstuffgetsthrowninthecloset/attic/basement., 43.Wearenotmindreadersandweneverwillbe.Ourlackofmind-readingabilityisnotproofofhowlittlewecareaboutyou., 44.Ifweaskwhatiswrongandyousay"nothing,"wewillactlikenothing\swrong.Weknowyouarelying,butitisjustnotworththehassle., 45.Ifwehearfromanoldgirlfriend,wewillbrieflyfantasizeabouthavingsexwithher.Butdonotworry;thefantasyincludesyouANDher,together.

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