2000 Darwin Award Winners,英语篇笑话大全

"Theyhavefinallybeenreleased!ForthosenotfamiliarwiththeDarwinAward,Itsanannualhonorgiventothepersonwhoprovidedtheuniversalhumangenepoolthebiggestservicebygettingkilledinthemostextraordinarilystupidway.Asalways,competitionthisyearhasbeenkeenagain.Somecandidatesappeartohavetrainedtheirwholelivesforthisevent!", DARWINAWARDCANDIDATES, 1.InSeptemberinDetroit,a41-year-oldmangotstuckanddrownedintwofeetofwateraftersqueezingheadfirstthroughan18-inch-widesewergratetoretrievehiscarkeys., 2.InOctober,a49-year-oldSanFranciscostockbroker,whowasalways"totallyfocusedwhenheran,"accordingtohiswife,accidentallyjoggedoffa100-foot-highcliffonhisdailyrun., 3.Buxton,NC:Amandiedonabeachwhenan8-foot-deepholehehaddugintothesandcavedinashesatinsideit.BeachgoerssaidDanielJones,21dugtheholeforfun,orprotectionfromthewind,andhadbeensittinginabeachchairatthebottomThursdayafternoonwhenitcollapsed,buryinghimbeneath5feetofsand.Peopleonthebeach,ontheouterbanks,usedtheirhandsandshovels,tryingtoclawtheirwaytoJones,aresidentofWoodbridge,VA,butcouldnotreachhim.Ittookrescueworkersusingheavyequipmentalmostanhourtofreehimwhileabout200peoplelookedon.Joneswaspronounceddeadatahospital., 4.InFebruary,SantiagoAlvarado,24,waskilledinLompoc,CA,ashefellface-firstthroughtheceilingofbicycleshophewasburglarising.Deathwascausedwhenthelongflashlighthehadplacedinhismouth(tokeephishandsfree)rammedintothebaseofhisskullashehitthefloor., 5.AccordingtopoliceinDahlonega,GA,ROTCcadetNickBerrena,20,wasstabbedtodeathinJanuarybyfellowcadetJeffreyHoffman,23,whowastryingtoprovethataknifecouldnotpenetratetheflakvestBerrenawaswearing., 6.SylvesterBriddell,Jr,26,waskilledinFebruaryinSelbyville,Del,ashewonabetwithfriendswhosaidhewouldnotputarevolverloadedwithfourbulletsintohismouthandpullthetrigger., 7.InFebruary,accordingtopoliceinWindsor,Ontario,DanielKolta,27,andRandyTaylor,33,diedinahead-oncollision,thusearningatieinthegameofchickentheywereplayingwiththeirsnowmobiles., DARWINAWARDHONOURABLEMENTIONS, neartheholeandhitpalAntonioMartinezinthehead,fracturinghisskull., 2.InElyria,Ohio,inOctober,MartynEskins,attemptingtocleanoutcobwebsinhisbasement,declinedtouseabroominfavorofapropanetorchandcausedafirethatburnedthefirstandsecondfloorsofhishouse., 3.PaulStiller,47,washospitalizedinAndoverTownship,NJ,inSeptember,andhiswifeBonniewasalsoinjured,byaquarter-stickofdynamitethatblewupintheircar.Whiledrivingaroundat2AM,theboredcouplelitthedynamiteandtriedtotossitoutthewindowtoseewhatwouldhappen,buttheyapparentlyfailedtonoticethatthewindowwasclosed., RunnerUp, TACOMA,WA-KerryBingham,hadbeendrinkingwithseveralfriendswhenoneofthemsaidtheyknewapersonwhohadbungee-jumpedfromtheTacomaNarrowsBridgeinthemiddleoftraffic.Theconversationgrewmoreheatedandatleast10mentroopedalongthewalkwayofthebridgeat4:30am.Uponarrivalatthemidpointofthebridgetheydiscoveredthatnoonehadbroughtbungeerope.Bingham,whohadcontinueddrinking,volunteeredandpointedoutthatacoiloflineman\scablelaynearby.OneendofthecablewassecuredaroundBingham\slegandtheotherendwastiedtothebridge.Hisfalllasted40feetbeforethecabletightenedandtorehisfootoffattheankle.Hemiraculouslysurvivedhisfallintotheicyriverwaterandwasrescuedbytwonearbyfishermen."AllIcansay,"saidBingham,"isthatGodwaswatchingoutformeonthatnight.There\sjustnootherexplanationforit."Bingham\sfootwasneverlocated....., ANDTHEWINNER:, 1.PADERBORN,GERMANY-OverzealouszookeeperFriedrichRiesfeldtfedhisconstipatedelephant\Stefan\22dosesofanimallaxativeandmorethanabushelofberries,figsandprunesbeforetheplugged-upelephantfinallyletflyandsuffocatedthekeeperunder200poundsofpoop!Investigatorssayill-fatedFriedrich,46,wasattemptingtogivetheailingelephantanoliveoilenemawhentherelievedbeastunloadedonhimlikeadumptruckfullofmud."Thesheerforceoftheelephant\sunexpecteddefecationknockedMr.Riesfeldttotheground,wherehestruckhisheadonarockandlayunconsciousastheelephantcontinuedtoevacuatehisbowelsontopofhim,"saidflabbergastedPaderbornpolicedetectiveErikDern."Withnoonetheretohelphim,helayunderallthatdungforatleastanhourbeforeawatchmancamealong,andduringthattimehesuffocated."Itseemstobejustoneofthosefreakaccidentsthathappen."

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